I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
