Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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