So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
