I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
