:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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