people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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