why do cheetos always look like penises
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
