Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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