awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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