Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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