she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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