Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
