ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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