Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
