I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
