Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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