You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
