He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
