I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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