You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
