If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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