She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
