He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
