worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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