R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
