I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
