i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
