and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
