i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
my liver is dry heaving
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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