I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
