If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
