She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
