if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
