idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
