I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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