Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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