youre lurking in front of me
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
