Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
