Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm both gender and math confused
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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