Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
