I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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