I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
honey bunches of taint.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
