Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
