im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
