Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
