if you like me you must not know who I am
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
