In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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