I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
