Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
