dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My feet surprised me
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
