Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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